Disneyland Family Vacation - The Things You Can't See

 We finally have My Sailor home from an exceptionally long deployment (you know, the usual... 8 and a half months into a 5 month deployment), so we are making the most of the family time and the kiddo's vaccination status, and taking a trip to Southern California to see my family, a few friends, and one of my favorite places ever, Disneyland Resort. 

Family vacations offer a time for family members to play together and bond over new and different experiences, foods, and interactions with others. Even during this pandemic life, there is still fun to be had relatively safely. 

This trip to Disneyland is different from any other Disney Park trip I've taken in my nearly 40 years of visiting the Parks. And it has nothing to do with masks or sanitization stations.

This time, we got a DAS pass. (Disability Access Service) pass.

I'll be honest. I fought this one a little bit. It's a sign that something is different for my kiddo. Something other than the Impossible Girl's stuttering, or Central Sleep Apnea, or ovarian cyst oddity.

 It's something else you don't see. Something we suspected might be an issue but something we don't see on such a severe level on a day to day basis. Vacations are exceptional, out of the ordinary experiences.

 So, here's why we got one for the Impossible Girl, the amazing help its been since, and the reality that we need more help than we realized. 

Here's an example - 

Imagine being 6 years old and really excited to go on a beautiful carousel! You saw it from a distance and your mom said you could go on it. The music fills the air. Other kids are riding it and having a great time. There is barely a line and your mom is happy to go on it with you!

 You pick a horse and get on, and then it happens. You clamp down on the handle bars in a white knuckled attempt to control the unwelcomed overwhelming wave of anxiety and fear. Your eyes grow wide and unblinking as you stare at the world around you.  You're barely reassured by your parent standing close by. Even as she snuggly buckles you in, you can't shake the encroaching quiet terror that is building. You know nothing bad will happen and that you are safe, but... your body takes nearly the entire ride to get the message your reasoning mind is sending. Your mom knows you're in a wild space right now, so she stands beside the horse should you need something - or should the anxiety turn to panic.

After about 15 seconds of spinning on the ride, the wave eases and you get brave enough to raise a hand and give the strangers watching the carousel a timid wave. 

That small gesture is a huge milestone for you.

As it comes to a stop, you get off the ride and are ecstatic that you faced your fear and made it through! You and your mom celebrate and grab a sweet treat, and chat about how courageous you were.  

Feeling empowered and brave, you head over to ride It's A Small World. There is a small line, but it's only about 15 minutes. Your family keeps you distracted as you wait your turn, and there is clearly nothing scary about this ride. You've seen it on Youtube a few times. 

 But then you sit in the boat. Your parents try to distract you, pointing out and animal topiaries and nameing them with you. Still, your body starts uncontrollably shivering. The anxiety and fear takes over again, but you're determined to work through it. Now you're stuck on the ride. You have to get through it. You snuggle into your parent sitting next to you, though the reassuance of her body does nothing to stop the shivering. Your mom asks if you're okay and you say, "I am feeling scared,". Your voice is so quiet she didn't hear you, so she leans in and asks again.  You answer with, "I am feeling anxious." She gets it and offers to hold your hand. 

She quietly starts with, "My hands are cold. Are your hands cold?" You shake your head no. Then she says, "I hear this song gets stuck in people's heads." You listen a little closer. 

"Do you see those dolls dancing? What's that one doing?"

You start to respond, relax and look around a bit, taking a breath to answer her. 

Eventually, it passes and you're able to enjoy the tail end of the ride. 

 Waiting in line is tough for many kids. Impatience to get to the good part is normal. Even a little fear and anxiety approaching a new ride is normal. But for The Impossible girl, it isn't just hard in those ways.  It feeds that anxiety monster. The confind space and anticipation doesn't grow into excitement. 

It grows into a monster. 

 By the time you get to the front (or even before), full on panic breaks out. Uncontrollably flight kicks in and she screams that she doesn't want to do it anymore. We scramble to an exit with a melting down kiddo in our arms. And then there is the disappointment and shame that kicks in after the attack is over that she couldn't overcome her fear and do it. What could be a positive childhood experience turns into a source of sadness and shame. 

Sometimes, hugging a small stuffed animal helps her.

Sometimes, it doesn't. 

We coach her through it with gentle voices when we can see it coming on - and we're getting better at seeing it coming. We engage her senses (grounding) "What can you see?" "Can you smell that?" "Do you want to hold my hand?" "Is my hand warm or cold?" etc.  Sometimes she can answer. Sometimes she can't. 

So this trip, after 1 attraction going horribly awry despite our best efforts (noise canceling headphones to make the world less loud and scary - she enjoys them when she's feeling anxious), etc. We took folks up on their recommedations and got a DAS pass.

It's not a 'skip the line' pass. We still wait the same amount of time people waiting in line are. 

It's a 'starve the monster' pass.

Since we can wait in a place where she is distracted instead, or we can take a break and come back later (which means we wait even LONGER than folks waiting in line), it gives her a fighting chance to work through her anxiety before it gets too big. 

Anxiety resets with every since attraction...

and sometimes even bathrooms (loud flushes are startling). 

It's hard for me to say, "Okay, we need extra help. Our experience isn't 'normal'." 

But once we asked for help and got it, our vacation became enjoyable again. 

I can't imagine what it feels like to constantly feel like you're going to tumble off an emotional cliff.

But it just makes this kid more amazing, as far as I am concerned. 

Disney Merrytime Cruise - Day 1

12/21/2019 9:45 am

Every wanted to sleep in this morning after a busy day and a long fun night but the stormy night made for a restless sleep for me. I got up early and explored ship. It was so quiet, and still dark outside.

The ship was rocking and rolling this morning.

I went to the upper deck to get coffee and almost slipped and did the splits on my way inside.  An old man was sitting with friends and saw it. He saw that I was okay and then said, "I give it a 9.5". It was pretty funny. I wonder if they are veteran cruisers who know all the good people watching spots.   

  We went to the Disney Junior character breakfast.  It was fun but The Impossibe Girl was super tired. 

She met Vampirina (high five), Pluto (high five), Goofy (hug!), and Fancy Nancy. We rested back in our room and sat on the Verandah while finishing some coffee. 

1:35pm

Today we had an early lunch of 'deck food' - Pizza (My sailor loves me and ordered a special gluten free pepperoni pizza for me.) 

My little shutter bugs. My Sailor taking a photo of The Impossible Girl taking a photo of the Gingerbread house in the Atrium.

We used the chocolate chip cookies from one stand to make ice cream sandwiches. The Impossible girl prefered her ice cream (strawberry) in a cone. I prefered the mango ice cream. 

 The day turned out beautiful. The Impossible girl loved meeting the princesses. She met Belle (in her beautiful holiday gown), Cinderella, Ariel, and Tiana.

All dressed up like Anna from Frozen II and ready to go! 

 No tears were shed this time when she went into the Kids Club to go play after lunch. She couldn't wait! It gave My Sailor and I a chance to walk around the adults only part of the ship and have a specialty coffee (shared - the prices are similiar or cheaper than Starbucks).

Next we are going to pick up The Impossible Girl and head to a Frozen Gathering. While the pools look like a lot of fun, I think we are saving that for a different day.

12:16am 12/22/2019

The Impossible Girl was exhausted so the Frozen Gathering was a bust. We all went to see The Golden Mickeys show and  LOVED it, depsite the cheesey premise. Everyone was so talented and Disney did an amazing job of color-blind, size inclusive  casting! It was fabulous. 

We went to Tiana's Place for dinner and had a great time to start - we met Tiana and Louise but The Impossible Girl couldn't take the noise and was very tired, so we went back to the room. My Sailor brought our food from the restruant (which as saddly disappointing) and we had room service desserts. 

It wasn't what we had planned, but the Gala was fun and I really enjoyed the bits of downtime connecting with My Sailor. 

Towel Animal #2

Disney Merrytime Cruise - Embarkation Day!

***These are actual journal entries from a handwritten journal J keeps of all travels. Every entry is written in the moment.***

Don't mind us. We'll lounge here until you bring back coffee. ;) 

We got 1 king bed, and we weren't going to insist on a roll away at 2am... soo... 

Good morning world! Today is a great day for a dose of Disney Wonder!

10:18pm 12/20/19

  We made it!

It's not a vacation until the pig tails come out! 

Someone is excited!

We walked about 5 blocks with My Sailor heroically shleping our stuff yet again. (Okay, so I carried a roller bag, my sling bag, and the car seat, and made sure the kiddo, who was carrying her own heavy backpack, wasn't hit by cars- so there's that.) We got to the port about an hour early, but check-in took us right away. It wasn't stressful at all! The computers went down for a few minutes, so while I waited to dot the i's and cross the t's, My Sailor took The Impossible Girl upstairs because the Cast Member tipped us off that Mickey 'might be' out and about up there. The Impossible girl has never met Mickey, so I wasn't sure how she'd take it. It turned out she warmed up to him a little bit (which is a huge change over her pulling away and hiding from any of the bigger characters). She actually got her first picture with him! I almost cried. Seriously choked up. And moments like that have been happening all day. This whole experience is downright surreal. 

 After exploring the ship, grabbing lunch at Cabana's, we checked out our room and LOVED our decor package! I pre-ordered the holiday package to be set up in our room before we arrived. I am really glad I sprang for that. Completely worth it. It includes a super soft pillow and blanket, hanging decorations and a fish extender. All that we get to take home (including a big bag so I can pack it all away to use for at-home decorations some other year).

The pillow from our decor package.

Our Sail Away party got rained out. :( It seems like all the shows in the Atrium are packed so we skipped Sail Away all together and rode the glass elevator up and down later in the evening to watch the tree lighting after we gave up trying to find a spot. It was worth the ridiculous amount of riding the elevator though. The Tree Lighting was truly magical. 

The Impossible Girl's Princess Tea Invitation

We had lunch at Cabana's upon boarding the ship. The buffet was BUSTLING. It was hard to find a table, but once we did, the food was delicious. My Sailor enjoyed the lobster and I enjoyed the veggie stirfry noodle dish and the carved turkey breast. The Impossible Girl was too overwhelmed to eat much. 

The Impossible Girl is enjoying the kids club. Not loving that we don't play with her (no adults allowed) but she worked through her fear and went - the staff was awesome. A cast member named Lizzie helped engage her immediately and she was playing like a champ when we came to pick her up. 

Discovering Slinky Dog's Slide at the Kids Club Open House

All changed and ready for dinner!

Towel/Blanket creation #1

Animator's Palett is AMAZING. The perfect ay to end the first day. I'd request it ever time. It was like Fantasmic at dinner time. The food was great. The service is quick and friendly but feels a little rusehd when it comes to interactions. But still very good.  My Sailor liked the beef entree. I really enjoyed the tomato tarte and cashew cake for dessert. The Impossible girl loved the Seared Salmon and discovered her first Mickey Bar experience. 

We saw the new Star Wars movie, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. I missed the first hour but it is still my favorite Star Wars movie ever. The theater is huge and well appointed. 

Sporting my Star Wars gear while we reset before dinner and the movie.

I feel the motion of the boat, but it doesn't seem to bother me at all. I enjoy being at sea. 

Tomorrow is looking busy.

Disney Junior Breakfast - 8am

Princess Gathering - 12:15pm

Frozen Meet- 2:30pm

Golden Mickeys - 6:15pm

Formal Night and dinner at Tiana's Place! I can definitely tell we'll be doing a lot of stairs and walking on board. 

Disney Merrytime Cruise - Trip Journal Entry 12/19/19

***These are actual entries from a handwritten journal J keeps during all travels, so everything is written in the moment.***


10:40 pm

Daddy went through Pre-check, thanks to his military status.
We did not. But we all made it to the plane! About to board the first leg.

We are on the plane to Houston. We'll land around midnight and then get our bags and order and Uber to the hotel near the cruise terminal.  We should arrive around 2am.  We plan to sleep and hopefully sleep in.  Check out is at 11am and then we'll walk to the port. Our port arrival time is 1pm, so we'll have time to burn a bit.
  Getting this far today has been nothing short of an adventure.  We got caught in traffic and had to cancel our parking arrangments in order to park at the terminal to make our flight. So expensive! But saved us a lot of time.  We made the plane with out about 10 minutes to spare.  When that plane landed, we flew across the airport and made it on to the 2nd flight in less than 5 minutes.

Working on her scrap book from her Fairy Godmother on the plane.

  The Impossible Girl has been an awesome traveler.  My Sailor has been damn new heroic, hauling, carrying, and overall making sure we are well taken care of.  I want to really focus on my family and giving them a magical time on this cruise. Praying that our Sail Away party doesn't get rained out.  The rain has been unpredictable but I'm sure we'll have a good time.
  Getting away from work is hard for me, but oh so necessary.  I'm feeling much more confident at work knowing that the business will be there then I get home - which makes it a bit easier to focus on my family when I'm away and just enjoy these amazing people I get to share my life with.
  This is a true first time for everyone adventure.
  And I can't wait.
But... I wish teleportation was a thing, because scrambling through airports really SUCKS.

Fun with Photography (or the Lack Thereof)

Tis the season where most young families are donning new gear and heading out with a photographer to the nearest Santa or Christmas Tree Farm...

We have never done this.

Beanie Girl has been in our lives for 3 years and we have never paid anyone to take photos of us. Not once. Not out of lack of desire, but there are a few big things that come into play with all of that family photo togetherness -

#1 You Have to Schedule a Day where You, a Photographer, and Your Family are all in the same place as the same time. I work Monday -Saturday. My Sailor works at least Monday-Friday, with the occasional 24hr+ shift thrown in there every few days (including weekends currently). As an example, this week we do not have a day off together where neither of us is working. I work when people generally don't (most of my clients are before or after business hours since THEY need to work to pay me), and he works whenever the Navy needs him - which is a lot. So we are often high fiving and handing off parenting duties on our way in/out the door, 7 days a week. We try to save 1 day a week for family day, but some days the week just doesn't cooperate- like this week.

Beanie Girl sleeping through out super hero encounter last May.

Summer Outdoor Concert, Silverdale, 2018

#2 You Have to Pay Someone. Everyone deserves a living wage - especially undervalued artists. So I get it. I do. But it seems as soon as we have the spare change to pay someone, something else more urgent crops up - like home repairs, car repairs, or -honestly- a rare date night. (Seriously - we haven't had one of this since April...). So, our best bet would be scheduling it during a vacation/leave, right? But more often than not, that money makes the difference between experiencing something fun as a family, and, well, having fancy photos with everyone smiling and, well, awake. While it would be nice, the memories are the most valuable part of those trips.

#3 You're supposed to, well, coordinate, right? Again, we so rarely buy new clothes (like maybe twice a year for the adults beyond essentials, more often for the kiddo since she grows so fast - she's not even 3 1/2 years old and in 5T solidly now) that asking me to buy coordinating outfits for 1 single shoot is ridiculous.

So while we've gotten lucky in past years with friends and family capturing awesome moments - this year, ya'll will have to live with a heart felt note in your Christmas cards. ;)

Gifts, Loss, And the Holiday Season

My Sailor single handed hauling our Christmas Tree home

There are more than a few things I'm thankful for this holiday season. My family is probably the biggest, most prominent one. We get to celebrate Christmas Eve this year all together under one roof. Which was more than I expected at the beginning of the year. As My Sailor's schedule picks up, I'm reminded quickly how much he contributes to helping daily life function around here, and how nice it is to have him home at night. He's been a part of my life since 1999, even though next year will mark only 9 years of marriage. We've been through a lot together, and he still rarely sits back on his laurels to enjoy the life we have. (For example, here he is, hauling our Christmas tree home, while terribly sick with a nasty cold, in the rain and the mud, while I wrangled the toddler. Thanks, Hubert's for the perfect tree! Our traditional smaller place closed this year, so this was a fun, different excursion.)

Balancing on Stumps is the best part of the tree farm!

We also learned that my Uncle passed away in November. Estranged from the family, no one knew for a few weeks. That makes me even more grateful for this little family I have, as well as my family in California. I have some fond memories from holidays where my uncle attended family gatherings. Even though we haven't had contact for the better part of 2 decades now, it's still odd to think of his passing. I'm grateful that I'll always remember him as the fun uncle from my childhood. Loss is still loss.

A lot of folks have asked us what we want for the holidays, and my friend Paul Barrie (of Window To The Magic fame) recently challenged folks for this gift giving this year, and I kind of love it - What if you only gave experiences instead of things?
My other friend also shared a way their family has changed how they view Christmas - "Something you want; Something you need; Something to Wear; Something to Read".
I really like both approaches to gift giving.

Beanie Girl is at that stage where she won't likely be 'disappointed' if she doesn't get a specific toy or gift for the holidays. Last year, her gift from us was a $20 stuffed giraffe. This year, we can likely do a bit more, but I love the 4 things idea. Keep it simple and out of the landfill later in the year. While I haven't settled on the 4 gifts of Christmas for her yet, I'm looking forward to Christmas Eve!

Which brings me to the next thought -
I'm not a great Christmas gift giver.
I'm innately practical, which can make me super hard to shop for and with.
I am at that point where I don't really need 'toys', even though my husband says we 'should' get something 'fun' for Christmas. Especially when friends and family gift us gift cards.
I actually love getting gift cards.
While many see gift cards as gifts with zero thought behind them, I beg to differ. Gift cards are like buying experiences, and helping out with needs you may not even be aware of!
For example,
Beanie girl came home from Forest Preschool Tuesday and started sobbing when I picked her up. Her teachers had no idea what happened, as she'd had fun with her best buddy all day! Once I got her to calm down, she said her hands hurt. Her cotton gloves got soaked and her fingers were red and cold. (Before you, dear readers, ye brave, ye few, fault the teachers, it is MY job to make sure she has adequate gear for the weather, so this is MY fault. They offer hand warmers and lots of shelter to get dry and warm. She is just a busy kiddo and doesn't want to stop for any of that life stuff yet.)

So we tried her pink gloves we'd picked up from Amazon that are insulated and waterproof. Well, they were too big. She may wear a size 5t-6 now in clothes, but she still has 3yr old's hands.
So she did the best she could with them, but they fell off and were getting in the way by the end of the day. Unfortunately, most toddler gloves/mittens on the market are made to be cute - not to withstand the often-blustery Pacific Northwest winters for 4 hours a day, 5 days a week.
She needed new gloves... Waterproof gloves that fit NOW. The Amazon gloves will fit eventually, but we needed a more immediate solution. Amazon Prime wasn't going to be able to help with that. We needed a brick and mortar solution.
But payday was a bit far off still.
Well - my fearless leader at the Y gifted me an REI gift card. We used that to get her gloves, and we'll likely put the rest towards clothes or boots as well as winter wears on. I LOVE REI's gear. It's well made, and usually stylish as well - but honestly, 95% of it is completely out of my price range. Thanks to a gift card yesterday's mittens were free.
So her gift? -The gift of one less big worry on my mind.
Yet it was 'just' a gift card, right?
The gift of a Starbucks gift car?
That's the gift of taking my family out for a hot drink together.The gift of an Amazon Gift card?
That could be the gift of a 2nd car seat, which would be so nice since we won't have to worry about who has the car seat where when we need to move her - and it can benefit our future kiddos as well. The gift of cash or other gift card?
That could turn into groceries or gas or helping us make some experience while we're on vacation before deployments hit the house next year.
The gift of a letter, photo, or card?
Those are the gifts that come right from the heart. They say, "Hey, we're thinking of you" and "Hey, you're important to me".
So if you're a gift card giver, and you think folks will think poorly of you - don't. For our family, that REI gift card gift was heroic in saving her poor fingers. You never know if you're being someone's hero. If you're a card sender or a letter writer - those are magical as well. In this age of super connectivity, you're adding a real human connection into the binary world.
If you're a gift card, letter, card, or hug getter - turn that into an unforgettable experience.
These occasions only come around once a year, and you never know who you'll get to celebrate it with next year - and who you'll be celebrating it without.
Even the Grinch learned it's not about the stuff.